I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
