another moral hangover. fuck.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
