so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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