$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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