Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
