They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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