hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
