Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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