I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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