Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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