imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
