What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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