Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he thought i was a dude.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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