I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
