my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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