How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize