Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
did you just send me my own nude
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
