you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
