She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
