I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
