There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
