"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I did not marry a roomba.
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