i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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