I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
