I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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