you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I understand Curling. That high.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
