Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
