So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
