my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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