it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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