...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this just has baby written all over it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
