He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
