well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
