i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
