Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
