This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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