i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
