we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We have so much sex to catch up on
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
