he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
