I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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