hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
time to smoke my breakfast
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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