awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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