but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He kissed a someone with a penis
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
