We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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