I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
