i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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