i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
