she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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