remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
