I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
