Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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