Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
