I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
