Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
