He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
