the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
