Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
