Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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