Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
