We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
