So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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