This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize