when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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