your thong is hanging out like whoa
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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