Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize