i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
