Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize