Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
