yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
