When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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