is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
