I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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