All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
