she woke up with a sticky ear
i just google imaged poop.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
