white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
