oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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