No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
