i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
