I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
