I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
