I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
