A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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