Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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