His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize